ThePacificBeach.com

After living alone for a couple of years post-college, I've realized that it might be safer for me to live with roommates. The random knocks in the middle of the night were scaring me when I lived in my studio in Pacific Beach (read this post about this story when I lived alone).

The next place I lived at after my solo time in my studio was a 3 bedroom apartment on Pacific Beach Drive. The situation was a girl was looking for 2 new roommates to replace the roommates she was living with. She was a student at SDSU, also where I graduated from, and was working on her master's degree. The apartment was super cheap, even for 10 years ago. My share was only $600 a month and of course, we'd split the electricity and cable bills between the 3 of us. When she was interviewing me for a spot in the house, there was another person looking at it too. I told her my occupation and history and it didn't take long to realize that our personalities meshed. She ended up picking me and another friend of hers to move in with her. It worked out so well. In the time that I lived there, we had three house parties and went out for two special dinners. We were all in our twenties, working and generally just calm individuals. The other roommate/friend she picked was a nurse who worked night shifts. None of these ladies were crazy partiers. I was so impressed and happy with them until two things suddenly changed. 

My roommate, who was a nurse, had a serious boyfriend and he was moving to Syracuse, New York. She decided to follow him. They were madly in love. Not long after she told me and my other roommate that she was moving and that we'd need to find a new roommate, I discovered that my OG roommate, who had lived there the longest, had been having a drinking problem. Every week, there would be at least 5 - 8 bottles of wine in our recycling bin. I wasn't drinking any of it and neither was the sweet nurse. Her dad died not too long ago and she was basically drowning her sorrow with alcohol. I really felt bad for her. She became more distant to both of us. We both offered our listening ears but that was all we could do.

Immediately after my nurse roommate told us that she was going to leave San Diego, I offered my OG roommate the idea that maybe we should find a place for just the two of us because our misogynistic apartment manager was not the nicest person, even though we had always paid our rent on time. Our kitchen faucet would leak, the carpets were nasty and the place was just really run down. Every time we would mention something to get fixed, it was brutal and there would always be a blame on us, even though these things were already damaged when we had moved in. She agreed. However, I realized while I was searching for a new place for the both of us that she wasn't putting in any effort in helping me search. I think her drinking problem is affecting other aspects in her life. I was worried that if things got bad, she might have a hard time paying her share of the rent. So, a couple of weeks before our lease ended and after we've given our property manager our move out notice, I did a very selfish thing and said that I thought it would be best if we each find our own living arrangements. She was not assisting in the search and barely spoke to me and I was getting concerned. I know that I should've been a better roommate and maybe taken a bigger lead to figure it out for the both of us because she was going through a hard time. I asked my boyfriend at the time for some advice and he told me that if I went ahead and found an apartment for me and my OG roommate, things could go sour with her continuous drinking problem and that it wasn't my problem to fix. I took his advice and till this day, I've regretted not sticking it out for her sake. I ended up breaking up with that particular boyfriend after a year of being together. I realized I didn't see eye to eye in a lot of things with him.

I still think about my decision on not sticking it out with my OG roommate at the Pacific Beach Drive apartment. I've apologized to her when we split and went our own ways and I apologized a couple of years later when we exchanged an email. We lost contact after that but I still think about these two roommates when I think about the best roommates I've ever had. They indeed were. I still keep in touch with the sweet nurse on facebook and with my other roommate, I really didn't search. I just don't think it was fair of me to try to keep in touch with her because I was so ashamed of what I did. I think she ended up graduating with her master's degree and moved back to her hometown in Boston.

My next series of roommates were pretty nuts and a couple of them did not pay bills on time, which made my living situation even worse and so stressful! That story is for another blog entry in the next coming weeks. 

Stay safe during this coronavirus pandermic, everyone!